I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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