shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
