Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
