..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
