considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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