p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
