you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
