I love black thongs
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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