I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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