How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
