I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
