White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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