we made out on top of his cat.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
