Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
