They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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