Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
