We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize