Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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