And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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