She said her name was "party"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
