Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you didnt know i had herpes?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
