the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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