I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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