You're so nebulous sometimes
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
