We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sorry about my life...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
