i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
