god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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