Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
