Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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