Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize