i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
