Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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