Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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