***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He called his prostate his "boner button".
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
