i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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