we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
