I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
