peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
