Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
