So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
