he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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