no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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