Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
