having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
