her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
