just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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