omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
