he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
