I just made out with a guy for $7.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
