Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Your dad touched me again.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
