The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
