Barsexuality is the new black.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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