Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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