I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
