The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
