...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
