The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
and she was petting her beer can
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
