Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
