god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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