I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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