i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
