she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
