Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
