yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
