I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
