I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You smell like stripper and shame
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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