There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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