I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Couch. On fire.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
