I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize