Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We left the knife in your bed.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
