thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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