Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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