If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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