Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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