if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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