My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
